Running + Ridiculous: you wouldn't like me when I'm angry crabby

I went to the gym today for my second training run this week, which officially makes this the most productive running week in a month. On the one hand, snaps to me; on the other, what the f that I had such a lame January. I could be doing tempo runs or speed work right now, but instead I am Building A Base. But at least I am doing it!

I am not a treadmiller by nature and whenever I start to get comfortable with machine-running I try to switch it up and head outside, which is difficult to do in January here in the Great White North. Planning an outdoor run requires a lot of forecast-stalking and calendar-pondering to make sure you're outside on the right day, and then the right time of day to maximize the chances of returning with all of your fingers and toes frostbite-free. I checked the weather report for the rest of the week this morning and saw this:

That is downright BALMY. I can run in capri-length tights and NO EARMUFFS when it's in the 30s. Cheered with this knowledge, I headed off to the gym.

When I got there I saw that, for the first time in my Midwest gym membership experience, one of the fancypants treadmills was available. I do my treadmill running on your basic treadmill — low to the ground, with a really basic display; the kind of treadmill that makes your knees hurt just looking at it. It fits with my low-tech running style and my general clumsiness (I feel I am much less likely to hurt myself on the simplest machine in the gym), but I wanted to see what all the fuss was about, so I gave the upscale one a go and GOOD LORD. It had many things that are of no use to me, like a Nike + interface and internet connectivity (how would I...? I can't even). But it also had things that pleased me, like a ridiculous "virtual track" setting that showed my lap count and had a little screen projecting what it would ostensibly look like if I were actually running on a track. Note: I used to run track; it did not look like that. AND. IT HAD A TINY LITTLE FAN. I liked this because it kept my face dry but mostly because it allowed me to pretend I was beach-running a la Heidi Montag.

At the beginning of my run there was a chick on the treadmill to my left and a dude on the treadmill to my right. I am a competitive person so I like it when there are other people running near me so I can compare our speeds and then gloat internally if I'm faster, or glare at them and speed up if I'm slower. I tend to be an angry gym-goer, by which I mean I like to find one person in the gym who annoys me and then dedicate my workout to them, because I find that it makes me work out harder. When I was living in Virginia I discovered that this strategy translates into glaring, as I would frequently run into people from my gym at the bar and they would all run away from me. Finally one of them told me that they all referred to me as "grumpy gym girl," which basically means that I just look crabby and not INTIMIDATING, which is what I imagined I was projecting. I keep doing it anyway because if I look crabby enough it may come off as intimidating, if only in a "she might snap at me if I ask to use that machine" kind of way. (The joke is always on me: once spoken to, I am a super-nice gym person. I will move benches for you and let you read my magazines. Be my friend!)

The focus of today's workout rage was the girl next to me, who was cruising along at 6.7 mph when I started. I started my run at 6.4, but tragically had only sped up to 6.6 by the time she left. This is a crushing blow, clearly, because I'm sure she spent the rest of her day gloating over her treadmill victory. Or, more likely, she had no idea she was battling me and is off somewhere now having a life while I blog about her. WHATEVER.

Anywhoozles, I ran 3.63 miles in 33 minutes, starting pace 6.4, ending pace 7.6.

When I was leaving the gym I noticed a really cute, tall guy coming out of the locker room. I realized then that I am in the interesting spot post-breakup where I care enough to notice the cute guys at the gym and to make sure my hair isn't doing this: