some notes on my butt

I am ONCE AGAIN sidelined with a random running injury.  Let us list my athletic medical history!

1. Runner's knee. They crackle to this day. Impressively.
2. Achilles tendonitis. I had to wear running shoes to and from the statehouse in Maryland and then stand in the lobby and awkwardly put heels on while trying not to make eye contact with any of the politicians. It was fashionable and not awesome.
3. BENIGN LEG TUMOR (my personal favorite). That shit is still in there, being benign and never ever hurting, except for that one time when I was training for a half marathon and it decided to hurt all the time and scare everyone. Here it is in all its glory:

It's that huge black thing wrapping around the bone. It looks scary, but it literally does nothing but sit there. Kind of like me right now, which brings us to:
6. Some butt thing idk. I would be more specific, but a team (A TEAM!) (but decidedly not the A-team) of physical therapists has no idea what's going on. I think it's piriformis syndrome, which is a fancy way of saying that I've somehow pissed off a muscle deep inside my butt, but the doctors can't agree on anything. To "recover," I'm basically half-assing a bunch of PT exercises that don't seem to help or hit the correct spot. Some days it hurts, some days it doesn't. I'm friends with ice packs and heating pads and ibuprofen and whining. Standard. (My poor boyfriend, y'all. I am lucky that he is the sweetest.)

Us and my butt, in happier running times.

In the mean time, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself, aside from canceling my registration for the marathon I was going to do in June. Registering for races and then not getting to run them is totally becoming my jam. I think I will get a second opinion from a doctor who maybe knows what he's doing. I think I will try to bike, I guess, but that hurts my extremely bony butt in a whole other kind of way, which seems to sort of defeat the purpose.

On the plus side, I am relatively sure that there is not a tumor in my butt. Though I guess that would be the logical progression of my life.

That time I ran a half-marathon pain-free. I remember you fondly,

on account of you were a month ago.

Edited to add: existing tags I added to this post include "ow my butt," "it's not a toomah," "sadness and woe" and "these tags are ridiculous." Just. What.

Cornucopia

Enjoy this post of random, don't say you weren't warned.

1. Since about May I have been venturing back into the world of online dating. I don't know if it's because I'm using a free site or of it's because I am a magnet for the crazy, but the guys I end up going out with are insane. In my experience with men from the internet, there tends to be a severe emotional meltdown around dates two-four. With Elroy, the guy I mentioned briefly back in July, it happened after a perfectly nice evening of dinner, when he had a panic attack, started crying and told me it was all just TOO INTENSE and he just DIDN'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE THIS ANYMORE and then he left at 2 am. I'm currently seeing another guy - tonight is date five - and he's already had glimmers of breakdowns so I think the full-blown emotional meltdown is probably going to happen tonight, at a cocktail party event for his job. Stay tuned! At least when this one happens I'll be in a cocktail dress and heels. I don't know, somehow that makes it better.

2. It is the first day of fall. It is 80 degrees, because here in the South it is apparently always 80 degrees. RIP corduroys, scarves and boots, I miss you.

Source

Don't get me wrong, I am ridiculously over the moon about no longer living in Wisconsin and also a little bit in love with my new job and new location, it's just....the heat, people. FALL IS SUCH A GOOD SEASON, NORTH CAROLINA, I SWEAR IT IS. Give it a chance!

3. There has been a lot of drama in blogland this week. It's the internet, people. Play nice like I do, which is to say that whenever a blog irritates me Melissa and I have a gmail dialogue about it, usually involving a lot of capslock and hilarity, and then I move on. If you don't have anything nice to say about a blogger, just say it to your friends instead, duh.

4. I have been sick this week and have not been running. I am going to go here in a bit, after I eat a baked potato and watch a lot of DVR'd cartoons. I just got a DVR for the first time ever and if you judged me solely based on the content that I choose to record you would discern, probably correctly, that I am low-brow. Here is a sampling for you:

- Project Runway
- Bridezillas (this show is apparently on all the time)
- Toddlers & Tiaras
- Family Guy
- American Dad

Mmm. I'm not sorry.

5. My dad and stepmom are coming to Chicago for the marathon, which is nice of them in general but EXTRA nice since the marathon takes place on my stepmom's birthday weekend and watching someone run for four hours is a decidedly not awesome way to spend your birthday. My dad's a marathoner (he did Boston twice) so we have been discussing strategy a lot lately, but not really running strategy so much as "where should we eat pasta?" and "what will you wear so we can find you?" I have not picked out my own clothing yet but have decided that my family should dress in yellow and that they need to make a sign so I can pick them out of the crowd, and that that sign should have Hannah Montana on it. My dad was confused by this and I had to send him a step-by-step instructional email complete with a link to my Hannah Montana head of choice (here, if you're interested) and a description of glitter glue and where to buy it. My stepmom is a guidance counselor at an elementary school and so I told him to tell her to deal with it because she is used to prop-making for small children (like me), but I talked to him last night and after mocking me about football for 10 minutes ("the road to the national championship runs through Madison Wisconsin this year," barf) he told me he had yet to tell her about it. SIGH.

6. Apparently there is a marathon in March 10 miles from my house. Apparently it costs $25. The outcome of this information is pretty much preordained.

The end. Happy Friday, internet! May your day be much more productive than mine. Because oh yes, now I am watching non-DVR'd 90210 (the original). Dylan and Kelly are breaking up. It's intense.